Example

July 2002:  Sentence Structure and Syntax

Original

Revised

Marlborough in the top half of the South Island, which is often referred to as the main land, is world renown for its wines. However it’s great diving is not so well known.

Marlborough, often referred to as the main land, sits in the top half of the South Island and enjoys world renown for its wines but is not so well known for its great diving.

With the U S Dollar trading at 43 cents to $1 NZ there is something here to suit anyone’s pocket or preference; a diving vacation in this peaceful part of the Pacific, is a dream turning to certainty.

With the U S dollar trading at 43 cents to one New Zealand dollar, everyone can find something here to suit their pocket or preference. A diving vacation in this peaceful part of the Pacific is a dream become reality.

A short distance from Nettlebed lies the Pearse Resurgence. Other than being in the same mountain range and accessible to divers, there are few similarities between the systems. In 1995 during a record-setting dive, one diver was lost here, his body was recovered from 279 feet / 85 meters a number of years later. This system is dived only by serious cave divers due to the depth and remoteness. Helicopters are used to ferry equipment to a campsite at the source, saving hours of walking.

Lying a short distance from Nettlebed, the Pearse Resurgence occupies the same mountain range and is also accessible to divers. But there the similarities between Nettlebed and Pearse end. In 1995 during a record-setting dive, one diver was lost in the Pearse Resurgence: his body was recovered from 279 feet / 85 meters a number of years later. Only serious cave divers navigate the Pearse because of its depth and remoteness. Helicopters ferry equipment to a campsite at the source, which saves hours of walking.

Our hypothesis is that country of origin plays an important role on the particular immigrant group’s earnings, and we like use the survey data we collect from the XYZ Neighborhood to prove that hypothesis. 

Our hypothesis is that country of origin plays an important role in the earnings of particular immigrant groups; and we use the survey data we collected from the XYZ neighborhood to prove that hypothesis. 

New Zealand’s mountainous nature, with surrounding large oceans causes weather patterns to be very changeable all year round. Even when the diving is not good, Marlborough is the gourmet area of New Zealand. There are world-class dining and wines to complement it.

Together, the large oceans surrounding New Zealand’s mountainous landscape and the topography itself cause changeable weather patterns at any time of year. But even when the diving is not good, Marlborough’s world-class dining and wines complement this gourmet area of New Zealand.

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