Writer’s
Original Sentence |
Editor’s
Suggested Revision |
| He was outstanding among the students for his intellectual
curiosity which enabled him to obtain a profound knowledge in the field. |
Among the class of 30 students, Mr. Smith displayed an
outstanding intellectual curiosity which sought sound knowledge and worked to develop
insight into fields related to antitrust issues such as consumer rights and deregulation
of finance. |
| He has provided a keen sense of analysis in the discussion
and presentation and has contributed to the class. |
Mr. Smith always completed extensive investigation
independently before classes and assessed the issues from various angles. His keen
analyses encouraged other students to more actively participate in discussions, and
contributed to the class’s solid understanding of antitrust issues in this country. |
| His graduation thesis, "________ Case and Antitrust
Law" was phenomenal for its powers of reasoning, profound truth and investigative
ability based on research in the field which Mr. Smith led by forming a group of fellow
students to conduct visits of the actual area and to interview not only the consumer
groups represented, but also the legal profession who maintained a high-profile presence. |
In addition, I remember evaluating his graduation thesis,
"________ Case and Antitrust Law" as well-organized, persuasively written, and
thoroughly researched. The paper reflected his logical reasoning, insight, and extensive
investigation based on field research he led with a group of classmates who visited the
area to interview consumer groups and lawyers. |