EXAMPLE

May 2000: Weed Your Garden

The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.
Thomas Jefferson

Spring: the time to weed out what you don’t want, and carefully plant what you do want. Apply the same strategy to writing novels. 

Original

Revised

Everybody started running around trying to cover their cheese, bread, fruit, pottery and furniture.

The vendors scurried about, trying to cover their goods.

I remember seeing lemons and oranges rolling all over the place, and the guy I had crashed into, kneeling down quickly trying to get his fruit before it got into the muddy road.

Lemons and oranges rolled everywhere. The man I had crashed into knelt down quickly to retrieve his produce before it met the muddy road.

I was immersed in my thoughts when suddenly I heard some bushes moving by the lake and I got startled.

I was immersed in my thoughts when suddenly the sound of some bushes moving by the lake startled me.
His face illuminated every time he mentioned her. His every mention of her illuminated his face.

The dancing went on and on and I managed to politely refuse with a smile a couple of offers to dance, pointing at my head with dismay as if I had the most terrible headache. Which I did, by the way.

The dancing went on and on. With a smile I politely refused a couple of offers to dance, instead indicating my severe headache.

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