Patter

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

In a Veterinarian's Office:
 "All unattended children will be given a free kitten"
 
 Parking Lot outside Vet's office in Silverton, OR:
 "Parking for Customers Only, all others will be neutered."
 
 In a Veterinarians waiting room:
 "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"
 
 Plumber:
 "We repair what your husband fixed. Don't sleep with a drip."
 
 Pizza shop slogan:
 "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
 
 At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
 "Invite us to your next blowout."
 
 Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
 "We can help pick your nose."
 
 At a Towing Company:
 "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
 
 Billboard on the side of the road:
 "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
 
 On an Electrician's truck:
 "Let us remove your shorts."
 
 In a Nonsmoking Area:
 "If we see smoke we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
 action."
 
 On Maternity Room Door:
 "Push, Push, Push."
 
 At an Optometrist's Office
 "If you don't see what you're looking for you've come to the right place."
 
 On a Taxidermist's window:
 "We really know our stuff."
 
 In a Podiatrist's office:
 "Time wounds all heels."
 
 On a fence:
 "Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive."
 
 Outside a Muffler Shop:
 "No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."
 
 Inside a Bowling Alley:
 "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
 
 In the front yard of a funeral home:
 "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
 
 In a counselor's office:
  "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional