Patter

My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.  Psalm 45:1

Consider the following candidates for English male and female nouns:

SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
 
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
 
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
 
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it. And, of course, there's the hot air part.
 
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
 
WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always getting hit on.
 
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
 
COPIER -- female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up; it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed; it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.
 
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
 
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
 
HOURGLASS -- female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
 
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
 
REMOTE CONTROL -- female...If you thought male, consider that it gives man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.