Patter

My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.  Psalm 45:1

To err is human, to moo bovine.

A good pun is its own reword.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

I fired my masseuse today.  She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Thanks to Peg Marson, tops@canby.com