The following example details how I worked with Carlos
Alberto Montaner in editing the English translation of
his book The Twisted Roots of Latin America: How
History and Culture Have Contributed to Shape the
Poorest, Most Unstable and Most Backward Region in the
West.
PREGUNTAS POR CAPÍTULO DOS, PÁGINAS 1- 7½
ONE STATE TO THE DISSATISFACTION OF ALL
A. en inglés: The term “Style Sheet” refers to consistent
decisions about usage, punctuation, spelling, hyphenation,
abbreviation, capitalization, word choice and sentence
construction to achieve accuracy, brevity and clarity.
As I encounter matters of style in each chapter, I will
add to the following table, which establishes treatment
for various particulars in Chapter 2:
Style Sheet for The Twisted Roots of Latin America: How
History and Culture Have Contributed to Shape the Poorest,
Most Unstable and Most Backward Region in the West.
NO |
YES |
Mestizos |
mestizos |
Joint venture
|
joint venture |
Phillip |
Philip |
Creolles |
Creoles |
Council of Indians
|
Council of Indians
|
hispanic
|
Hispanic
|
19th Century
|
nineteenth century
|
de facto
|
de facto
|
PROBANZAS
|
probanzas
|
25 thousand
|
25,000
|
B. en español: La manera que uso a sugerir los cambios en
el manuscrito:
En el capítulo redactado la palabra, frase, o oración
original lo que tengo una pregunta se enseña en
italics y boldface. Sugerencias mias
paracen en brackets en boldface. Dos o más
sugerencias son separadas por /. Dos ejemplos
siguen para ilustrar:
1. condotieros significa ¿mercenaries? SI, ES
UNA MEZCLA DE AVENTUREROS Y MERCENARIOS.
2.
quinto real (por favor, en inglés: DESPUÉS DE LA
EXPRESIÓN EN ESPANOL UTILIZARÍA LA TRADUCCIÓN AL INGLÉS
<ROYAL FIFTH>. ERA LA QUINTA PARTE DEL BOTÍN QUE DEBÍA
ENTREGARSE AL REY.________________________)
3. por la Hacienda pública significa ¿public
treasury? TAMBIÉN <PUBLIC FINANCES>
4. español:
…un territorio, además, inmensamente rico en metales
preciosos, sostén principal en aquel entonces de la
poco refinada tesorería pública española…
English:
…a land also immensely rich in the precious metals that
sustained the much depleted national treasury.
Pregunta mia:
¿la poco refinada significa que la tesorería era
little distinguished?
NO. SIGNIFICA
<LITTLE SOPHISTICATED>
5. “pardas”
significa
¿brown/dark/mulatto? MULATTO
6.
protagonista
significa
¿veteran/hero/leader?
MAIN CHARACTER. SOMEONE WHO HAS AN IMPORTANT ROLE.
C. Aquí van las preguntas de la primera mitad de capítulo
dos:
1. español original: Generalmente, se
trataba de segundones de algo menos
de treinta años, mejor educados que la media nacional, que
no herederarían fortuna alguna.
English translation:
They were mostly under 30, better educated than the
national mainstream, and without inheritable
fortunes.
recommended:
Generally, they were second sons mostly
under 30, better educated than the national average,
and without other fortunes to inherit.
ESTA ES MEJOR TRADUCCIÓN.
2. español original: Los beneficios que pudieran
derivarse se dividían de una manera muy favorable a la
Corona ―los monarcas se reservaban, por lo menos,
el consabido quinto real―, pero en manos
de los Conquistadores quedaban otros notables privilegios.
English translation: The
benefits derived from this tilted heavily toward the
Crown, but the Conquistadores kept some notable
advantages.
recommended:
The benefits derived tilted favorably toward the Crown
–the monarchs kept for themselves
¿¿at least the
well-known?? ROYAL fifth (LA QUINTA PARTE)
_____–
but some notable privileges remained in the hands of the
Conquistadores.
3. español original: ...por la folclórica
presencia en Barcelona…
English translation:
...by the renowned presence in Barcelona…
recommended:
...by the popular presence in Barcelona...
ESTA ES MEJOR TRADUCCIÓN. TAL VEZ ES MEJOR <COLOUR LOUD> O
<FLASHY>.
4. español original: Curiosamente, la diferencia
entre las huestes de conquista y las huestes
reales era la que existía entre el medievo y los
tiempos modernos que comenzaban a cristalizar.
English translation:
Curiously, the difference between the Conquering Horde and
the official army was the same as the one between
medieval and modern times.
recommended:
Curiously, the difference between the Conquering Horde and
the official army was the same as the one between
medieval and modern times that began to take shape.
ESTA ES MEJOR TRADUCCIÓN.
5. español original: ...o inversión económica
en la compañía.
English
translation: ...or trading among
the company
recommended:
...or economic investment in the company.
ESTA ES MEJOR.
6. español original: Se desplazaban juntos, con
el mismo pie y a la misma distancia.
English translation:
They moved all together in lock step and separated at
equal distances in a martial choreography. ESTA ME
GUSTA MÁS.
recommended:
They all moved together in martial lock step, each
foot at equal distance from every other.
7. español original: ...una sensación sicológica…
English translation:
...a sociological sensation…
recommended:
...a psychological sensation…
ESTA ES LA CORRECTA.
8. español original: El propio Colón acabó de
regreso en España, preso y encadenado, como consecuencia
de intrigas, acusaciones de corrupción, arbitrariedad
y nepotismo que probablemente encubrían una lucha por el
poder.
English translation: Columbus
himself, newly returned to Spain, was imprisoned in chains
as a result of intrigues, corruption charges, confusion,
and nepotism that probably concealed a struggle for power.
recommended: Columbus himself, newly returned to
Spain, was imprisoned in chains as a result of intrigues,
charges of corruption, arbitrary abuse and
nepotism that probably concealed a struggle for power.
ESTA ES MEJOR.
9. español original: Mientras avanzaban las
huestes de conquista, los funcionarios reales
y los religiosos ―que generalmente respondían a los
monarcas, que eran quienes los asignaban en las
expediciones― iban estableciendo los límites de mando y
acotando las zonas de la autoridad castellana.
English translation:
As the Armies of
Conquest advanced in America, governmental and
religious leaders - who generally obeyed the monarchs
who assigned them to the expeditions - began marking the
limits and zones of Spanish authority.
Recommended:
As the armies of conquest advanced in America,
royal OFFICIALS
and PRIESTS
generally
obedient to
the monarchs who assigned them to the expeditions began
marking the limits and zones of Spanish authority.
10.
español original:
Ese control fue más estrecho, por supuesto, con el
paso de los años, y se endureció significativamente con la
llegada de los Borbones.
English translation:
This control extended as years went by, and
significantly hardened with the arrival of the Bourbons.
Recommended:
This control
grew more rigid,
of course, as the years passed, and hardened significantly
when the Bourbons arrived.
ESTA ES MEJOR.
11.
español original:
La ficción, sostenida por la Corona, y sustentada
por juristas y teólogos hasta 1519…
English translation:
The fiction, spread by the Crown and maintained by
judges and theologians until 1519…
Recommended:
The fiction,
sustained
by the Crown and maintained by judges and theologians
until 1519…ESTA
ES MEJOR.
12.
español original:
Un judío o un moro conversos al cristianismo, a trancas
y barrancas podían integrarse a la españolidad.
Un indio o un mestizo siempre se quedaban en la entrada.
English translation:
A Jew or Moor converted to Christianity through fire
and water could integrate into Spanish society, but
an Indian or Mestizo was left at the entrance.
Recommended:
A Jew or Moor converted to Christianity
despite great difficulty
could integrate into Spanish society. An Indian or mestizo
always remained outside the gate.
ESTA ES MEJOR.
13. español original: Si para España los
territorios recién descubiertos eran difíciles de absorber
e incluso de entender, al otro lado del espejo
sucedía lo mismo. Desde la perspectiva americana,
España resultaba un mundo remoto y ajeno.
English translation:
If for Spain the newly-discovered territories were hard to
absorb, let alone understand, on the other side of the
glass, the same was true. From the American
perspective, Spain was a remote, alien world.
Recommended:
If for Spain the newly discovered territories were hard to
absorb, let alone understand, on the other side of the
mirror
the same was
happening.
From the American perspective, Spain seemed to be
a remote, alien world.
ASÍ ME GUSTA MÁS.
14.
español original:
Obsérvese el fenómeno: no se gestaba un Estado a la
medida de las necesidades de los ciudadanos, ni
siquiera de los ciudadanos españoles, sino un instrumento
de control de la Corona.
English translation:
Observe the phenomenon: a State developing not out
of the needs of its citizens, nor even Spanish
citizens, but as an instrument under the Crown’s control.
ASÍ ME GUSTA MÁS.
Recommended:
a State developed not in proportion to the needs
of its citizens…
15.
español original:
España, en donde los reyes aplastaban conjuras de
nobles levantiscos, sofocaban brotes nacionalistas,
perseguían desviaciones heterodoxas…
English translation:
Spain; where the monarchs crushed conspiracies by
REBELLIOUS nobles, squashed nationalistic outbreaks,
persecuted unorthodox deviations…ME GUSTA MÁS
ASÍ.
Recommended:
Spain, where the monarchs crushed conspiracies by
upwardly mobile nobles,
squashed nationalistic outbreaks, persecuted deviations…
16.
español original:
habían derrochado valor e imaginación como pocos
conquistadores en la historia conocida, habían
soportado peligros y adversidades sin cuento ―todo ello,
claro, sin ahorrarles quebrantos a los vencidos―, pero no
lograban convertirse en los dueños del destino político y
económico de los territorios ganados. La hazaña
era de ellos. La gloria y la parte del león se la quedaban
los monarcas.
English translation:
had shown more valor and imagination than almost
any men in history, had survived countless perils and
foes; of course often without sparing damage to the
losers; but they were unable to become masters of their
own political and economic destiny in their conquered
land. They had done great deeds, but the glory and
the lion’s share went to the monarchs.
Recommended:
...had shown valor and imagination
as few Conquistadores known to history,
had survived countless perils and foes –
all of it,
of course, without sparing damage to the losers- but they
were unable to become masters of their own political and
economic destiny
in the land they had won.
The deed was theirs, but the
monarchs kept the glory and the lion’s share of the
spoils. ME GUSTA MÁS ASÍ.
Persuasive Pen
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